Cheese is a gateway drug.

So as of yesterday, I would have said being a vegan was a piece of cake. (And obviously I would mean a vegan-friendly piece of cake.) But today, it was rough. I've made it a month (I missed my anniversary! Sadness...) with no issues, but not anymore. We went out to brunch in Hanover Square with friends to finally get our 'H' date done since the weather was too ick to make the drive to the Hamptons. This brunch turned out to be quite a boozy brunch. Loooove the all you can drink $10 champagne special. The restaurant obviously didn't know who they were dealing with when they decided upon this marketing campaign. Soo, two bottles of champagne later, it was very very hard to resist the cheese the restaurant smeared all over my otherwise vegan happy potatoes. I miss cheese. I miss milkshakes. I miss whipped cream. I miss all things cow related. However, I was still a good little vegan and gave the yummy cheesey potato goodness to the huz and got yet another veggieburger for brunch. I sense a pattern forming...

For dessert the huz and I split a banana and Nutella crepe which was crazy delish. Buttttt, like everything else delicious, I came home to find out there's freaking MILK in Nutella... Something else delicious I have to cross off my list. I'm wondering if I can find a recipe to make a vegan friendly Nutella....

So I suppose I technically cheated today. However, my philosophy is if I didn't know there was milk, egg, etc. in it, it's ok. I just won't have it again from there on out. I guess today was my farewell party for Nutella. I'll miss you more than you'll know, yummy hazlenuty deliciousness...

Thank goodness champagne is vegan friendly otherwise I might actually die. No, really. I'd die.

But the good news is, the champagne did wear off (is that really good news, though?) and I am no longer so obsessed with my cheese cravings.

Have you ever noticed that though? We all crave dairy products like we're strung out on coke. We all assume that dumping cheese on a meal will automatically make it more scrumptious. Why is this? Why are we all soooo obsessed with cheese? Might I even say we're addicted to cheese? Yes, I might.

We are all totally addicted to cheese. There's a protein in all dairy products called Casein, but it is found in a more heavily concentrated form in cheese than in other dairy products. And... "Opiates hide inside casein, the main dairy protein. As casein molecules are digested, they break apart to release tiny opiate molecules, called casomorphins. One of these compounds has about one-tenth the opiate strength of morphine" (healthdiaries.com). So in other words, cheese is a gateway drug. We're all freaking addicted. You better watch out. The next step might actually be you sniffing a line in a dirty NYC bathroom...


But now it makes perfect sense to me why I don't miss eggs or meat in the slightest, but cheese makes my mouth water and gives me horrible cravings. I'm an addict.


The same is also true of a protein that's found in gluten. It also causes addictive behaviors. I love how the two food groups I'm not supposed to eat, gluten and diary, are the two food groups that are actually addictive. It's like God is punishing me for all the times I've told smokers that they need to stop whining and quit smoking already. I'll take this moment now to apologize. Addiction sucks, even if it is only to cheese and gluten. I totally feel like a junkie who is way overdue for a fix...


But, the good little vegan that I am is resisting. When I first read The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone, I remembered her saying that there would come a time when we all missed the food so much that we would debate going back to eating the animal nasty foods. She recommended we reread the section in her book where she outlines all the junk that goes into our food and all the horrible treatments the animals go through to become our food. It was a good suggestion. I am totally back on the bandwagon. 


I am no remembering that when I sat down I totally meant to write this post about a yummy pizza and tofu "mozzarella" sticks that I made the other night... I was obviously sidetracked. Maybe the champagne hasn't really worn off yet... 

I think I'm being subconsciously tortured.

So I had a nightmare about eating meat last night. No, seriously.

I can't remember anything else, but I was at my parents' house in their old kitchen before it was remodeled and I was standing there with someone (I think it was my Nannie??) and I was munching down on a yummy slab of roast beef (which is super awkward because I've always hated it and would never eat it even when devouring innocent animals was totally my thing). So I was eating around the outside of my slice of roast beef where it was well done; then I got to the middle where it was pink and bloody. We'll call it medium-rare. That is when I flipped out in my dream because I realized I was eating meat and had a total spaz and my Nannie let out a very horrible, evil laugh. Then I woke up. The end.

I may actually be traumatized from this horrific experience.

I'm going to blame that episode on being super cold because we turned the air conditioner on for the first time last night and it blasts right on my head. It is a proven fact that if you're cold, you're more likely to have nightmares. You can quote me on that.

Beside my nightmare, I almost starved to death this weekend. Some friends came to town and we went out to a super cute restaurant, Good, in the West Village. However, I don't think there could have been a less vegan-friendly place in all of the city. One of my friends came to my rescue and told the waiter I was a vegan (which I am realizing is an important thing to do when eating out... there seems to be animal byproducts in everything). So then at least the waiter was on board helping me find something that worked for my diet.

At first I thought I'd get the carrot puree soup. But no, it was made with chicken stock. Then I thought I'd get the hummus. But no, they mixed in parmesan. After that, all that was left was olives (I ate two bowls almost and got effing oil on my pretty red dress which is totally their fault since they didn't have non-oily vegan-friendly fare. Good, we aren't all good. That's all I'm saying.) and the side dishes. So finally I ended up with a dinner of grilled asparagus, sautéed zucchini and steamed green beans with pesto. However, this was only another disappointment as the pesto also had parmesan in it... boo. Sooo my lovely expensive dinner consisted of: olives, zucchini and asparagus. It was yummy, but horribly balanced. There was no vegan-friendly protein... I have a feeling this will be an issue many times over when moving forward. Moral of the story: tell waiters you're a vegan so they can help and carry trail mix or a vegan-friendly snack so you don't wither and die when there's nothing you can eat.

The next morning, we all went out to brunch at a diner. It was then I realized brunch is the least vegan-friendly meal EVER. Pancakes? nope. Waffles? nope. French toast? nope. Omelets? nope. Eggs? nope. Bacon? nope. Sausage? nope nope nope. All that was left for me was toast sans butter. Or possibly hash browns depending on how they're cooked. And although I did just register for the marathon, I seriously don't think I need to go and carboload on bread and potatoes. Sooo, I ended up getting a veggieburger for brunch. It did not look appetizing at all. Picture a teeny, tiny bun (most likely made to suit little elfin hands or else the non-existent appetites of the women on the Upper East Side) and a huge fluorescent green patty. However, I was a good sport, so I dumped a ton of ketchup on it and went for it. Interestingly enough, it was really quite delicious. The fluorescent green actually came from super scrumptious lima beans. Who would have thought? I used to hate those things so it was a very exciting discovery. Very exciting indeed.

So yes, I almost starved to death this weekend. But as you can see, I somehow managed to survive. You're lucky I have such a fight in me.

When I went to eat my breakfast this morning, I noticed a horrendous oversight in my grocery store's labeling abilities.

They're lucky I have the smarts and can read labels and know that my organic Weetabix is actually all yummy grains and totally animal-nasty free. However, if I was a slightly less smart vegan, they may have lost $5.89. That would obviously have gravely affected their profit margin for the day. Who else in my area is going to spend $6 on a box of straight-up wheat? My point exactly.

On that note, I'm off to bed. Pray for no more meat-consuming nightmares. They scare me.