I plead insanity.

So apparently I'm going insane.

No, that's not referring to my tenure as head juror the past two weeks (although my fellow jurors are worse than my fourth grade class last year with their bickering). No, that's not referring to my job (or lack thereof). No, that's not referring to the zoo of animals I keep in my house.

That's referring to what my mother told me on the phone this afternoon.

I'm going insane.

Or so said a random gastroenterologist she met at a dinner party this weekend. Apparently, it "just came up in conversation" that all vegans eventually go crazy. His theory was that as we vegans don't get all of our essential amino acids, our brain chemistry slowly starts to shift. It happens so gradually we don't even notice. Telling my mom that she could keep her eyes out for me and let me know once I start going insane and that I'd eat a steak didn't help either... "By that point, it'll be too late!" says she.

My mom also had another wonderful revelation from this conversation. "So when you see all these weird vegan people and think that they're crazy, they actually are! They're going insane!" Wonderful. Thanks random gastroenterologist for all your fine help and medical advice.

It was at this point that I discussed with the madre that I am taking this quite seriously, read about it all the time, and plan my meals to be sure I get all my essential amino acids in during the day. If anything, I eat much more balanced now than I ever did. However, she says her great worry, as always, is child birth. (Somebody's a bit desperate for grandkids, I'd say.) She told me to consider myself like an old cut down tree. I have all these "health" rings inside me that I'm building up now. It's not just my health when I'm pregnant, but my health history beforehand.

I told my mom gracias, but I think her career with analogies is over. No girl wants to be compared to a tree trunk.

However, that's not what I actually said. I agreed with her that it's smart to keep an eye on my health and promised to make an appointment with a nutritionist. It definitely couldn't hurt. And then at least the madre will have no ammo for calling me insane in the future... or at least no ammo stemming from my diet.

So last night I made my vegan yum pizza again, so I guess I'll finally blog about it. I just bought a vegan friendly crust from the store, coated it with olive oil, spread spicy tomato basil sauce all around, sprinkled garlic powder and red pepper flakes all over then added a whole bunch of veggies such as red and green pepper, onion, broccoli and eggplant. (Italian eggplant no less. I like my veggies like I like my men. Foreign.)

Then I dumped a bit more sauce on the top, a bit more garlic powder then baked it at 450 degrees for ten minutes or so.

Super easy, super delish.

You can feel free to add any sauce or toppings you please, as long as they're vegan friendly of course.

So I guess that's all for now. Maybe tonight I'll have another fun nightmare to blog about that involves my vegan tree self being chopped down for sprouting insane sprigs or leaves... We'll see. One can only hope.

Enough with the dreams already.

So this time I had a genuine nightmare. Nothing comical about it.

I dreamt that I got accidentally pregnant and it was a very unwelcome pregnancy because I hadn't "gone through the motions" that the huz and I agreed would be necessary before attempting a vegan pregnancy.

After the aforementioned discussion where my mom tried to scare me out of veganism by threatening deformed babies, the huz and I decided that if I wanted to be a vegan while pregnant, we would have to be very smart and careful about it. (And PLEASE do not read this the wrong way and start asking me twenty questions about our growing family. We have no plans to have kids and certainly do not want them for ages. Ick.) However, we still discussed what our plan would be and decided that when we are ready, I'll go to the doctor and get some bloodwork done to make sure that all of my chemical and nutritional levels are where they should be and then I'd work with a nutritionist to ensure I'm getting all the proper vitamins and minerals while preggo. This may sound like a lot of work, but I really can't imagine eating meat as I get queasy just considering it now, so it's what must be done to be a responsible preggo vegan.

So anyway, in my dream I got knocked up by accident (by the huz of course) and was very shocked/upset to discover this condition. I was totally freaked out to tell the huz because I knew he'd be ticked that we hadn't "followed the plan." So then I started debating whether or not I should keep the baby since it would probably be deformed due to my lack of nutrition, and then I got extremely upset because I could totally never abort a baby. This is when I woke up.

Like I said, nothing comical about this one... I think it does show that my mom's tactics did get to me. I've always found pregnancy pretty freaky to begin with (Something growing inside of you?? Haven't we seen like fifty science fiction films with this plot? They never end well...) and now it freaks me out even more... However, this does add to my arsenal of why it's necessary for us to wait to have kids. I'm too freaked out.

I really don't think it'll be an issue though. I eat much healthier and much more balanced now than I ever did before. I plan out my day to insure I'm getting the right intake of all the food groups (minus meat and dairy obvi), pay attention to my amino acids and take daily vitamins to keep my B-12 up. These are all things I never bothered with before.

However, I do have to say that I am slightly disappointed with my vegan diet. Yes, watching Food, Inc. did push me over the edge to embark on this journey, but it was also partly done for health reasons. The good news is, my stomach problems have totally disappeared since I began eating vegan. The bad news is my hives did not. I've now been tested for every allergy ever and they've all come back negative, except for apples. Of course of all the things I'd definitely be allergic to, it had to be my favorite fruit, which happens to be in EVERYTHING! I'm not pleased.

It turns out I must have a "sensativity" to something which "unfortunately cannot be tested." In other words, the doctors told me they're idiots and have no idea what's up. I so need to go on an episode of House. Dr. House would totally know what the dealio is. I'm so glad I've drained myself of all my blood for testing over the past few years to discover my 'sensitivity' to who knows what.

But the worst of it is, they assume the sensitivity is indeed to gluten. In other words, this may be my last blogpost because I am soon going to starve to death. No meat, no dairy, no eggs, no gluten? Boo. Huge sad face. I don't miss the meat, dairy, or eggs (ok, maybe occasionally the dairy) but I freaking looooove gluten-filled carbolicious foods. I have heard this is a direct result of my Finnish descent. We were programed to crave carbs to plump us up for the winter when food would be scarce so that we could survive to the next spring and summer. I like this explanation better than saying I lack all self-control or willpower to control my bagel cravings.

So anyway, I'll keep you posted on my slow descent into starvation. I had a bagel this morning at Starbucks. I decided I needed one last farewell gesture. And of course, I now have hives on my eyes. I think most people assume the huz beats me. It gets that bad. Luckily, huge granny sunglasses are totally in in New York, especially when inside. (Don't you know your cool factor raises 10 points if you wear your sunnies inside? Of course you didn't, you're not from New York.) so I just walk around in those all day and people assume I'm too important to make eye contact with them (which is also obviously true).

I have no fun pictures for you this post as I have been totally lazy and getting salads out or not making fun recipes from scratch. I did, however, make the Gardenburger Blackbean Chipotle burgers that I blogged about a few posts back. Woah nasty. I hated them. The huz loved them though, so I guess that just goes to show you how completely unrefined his palate is. Just kidding. Love the huz.

Tonight I'm going to search for another fun quinoa recipe to make and well let you know how it goes tomorrow. That is if I actually bother to cook tonight. Don't hold your breath.