Slippery Slope: Not just for Adolescent Guidance

Sorry I neglect you. I feel bad. But only a little.

I was having a crisis. If you can find a way to let me make blogging my job, I promise I’ll pay a bit more attention to you. Maybe.

So, the slippery slope. Whenever I hear these words I immediately think of middle school guidance and my nice private religious school upbringing. The day we had to fill out a chutes and ladders type worksheet about how far we would go with a guy was my most favorite slippery slope lesson ever. Just to make crazy redhead Mrs. Montgomery upset, a few of decided we would “go all the way.” Of course we ended up pregnant and with an STD (or should I say STI and be up with the appropriate and politically correct lingo concerning venereal issues) all thanks to the good ol’ slippery slope.

However, I’m now thinking I should have paid more attention to all those slippery slope lessons as I’m now sliding down it quite rapidly. Or at least I was.

When we went away for Memorial Day, the one night I planned on eating rice and beans for dinner. I figured others would want some as well so I bought family sized of both without bothering to read labels. The brand I normally use is vegan happy, so I just assumed all saffron rice was. You know what they say about assuming. It makes an ass out of you and me. (Or I guess that only works with ‘assume’ and not ‘assuming’ and I was the only one with the issue in this case, but you can just pretend it works and go with it, okay?)

Sooo, that fateful night I was hungry and wanted normal food so I figured I’d just eat the effing rice even though it had nice dehydrated chicken flakes in it. Yum. So appetizing. How can we even eat food when there’s crap like that listed in the ingredients?

But unfortunately, this one little bite set me off on a downward spiral. After getting home from Memorial Day, I had a butter croissant. I couldn’t resist. Then I spent the whole day feeling crazy guilty and promising I wouldn’t do it again.

Then we saw some friends the next weekend for dinner. We went to a Thai place and my one friend got Thai tea. I’d never heard of it before and felt the need to try even though it was made with heavy cream. (Thai tea = super strong tea served over ice with heavy cream)

It was also my pap’s birthday that weekend so the next day I got to watch the fam sit around and enjoy cake and ice cream. I’d bought myself some soy ice cream. It was crap. So I was feeling very bad for myself and was deciding I couldn’t go through life being depressed just because I was forcing myself not to eat stuff and then feel guilty about it when I did.

Butttt, I thought about it. I don’t want to eat meat. It still disgusts me. I’m still not allowed to eat dairy and I don’t really like eggs. I really just miss eating highly processed things that have egg or milk product in them. I shouldn’t eat that junk anyway. Soo, still a vegan. However, to be truthful, I don’t think this will be forever. I think being a vegetarian will be forever. Meat = nasty for me. But, I really don’t see anything wrong with eating eggs or dairy that come from happy animals. If you get produce that is locally grown and raised (from a farmers market or co-op) and you know that the animals aren’t being abused for their produce, then why not? Chickens have to produce eggs. Cows must make milk while pregnant. If we’re going to be good and gracious consumers, then I see no issue using these products.

I think that is a standard misconception, though. Cows don’t produce milk all the time. Just like humans, they only produce milk while pregnant and just after giving birth. The huge dairy farms keep their cows constantly in gestation (fancy word, hopefully you know it) and as soon as they give birth they take the babies and sell them to veal farms. It’s mean and cruel and keeps the cows in horrible health. Again, after learning all this stuff, I’m surprised anyone is willing to consume these things. But, like always, to each their own.

This entry has no recipes as I’ve been lazy lately and have tried no new recipes. I’ve basically been living off rice and beans. However, I did make another great discovery today. My co-worker went out in search of cookies for the two of us and she came back with Lorna Doone shortbread cookies! They’re vegan happy! So exciting. I was just thinking at the grocery store yesterday how much I would miss shortbread. I rarely eat it, but when I do, I love it. Sooo now I have an easy vegan happy option. They do have gluten though… But I haven’t gotten around to dealing with that issue yet.

Ok, that’s all for now. Hopefully it was enough to make up for a week of neglect. If not, sucks to be you.

OH, I almost forgot to add my madre’s latest words of wisdom. All my hair is apparently now going to fall out because of my B-12 deficiency on my vegan diet. Good thing Demi Moore once did a movie entitled G.I. Jane and made bald heads cool for the rest of us.

Gotta love the madre.

Ask [Google] and you shall receive.

First, sorry for the lack of posts last week. I've been quite busy with jury duty. What with the 10 am start, the hourly breaks, two hours for lunch and the crazy long days till 5 pm, there's just been no time. Jury duty is quite taxing. It doesn't leave much room for anything else in my life.

But anyway, I have a lot to catch up on. I take all these pictures of yummy food I make or eat then never blog about any of it. People look through the photos on my phone and think I'm some food-obsessed lunatic (which really, I am).

Last weekend after brunch I was most upset that Nutella wasn't vegan and I asked if anyone knew of a vegan friendly recipe. Well, I did something better than asking my friends. I asked Google. 

And of course, I found a super scrumptious vegan Nutella, or Not-ella if you prefer, recipe. Here's how I made it. (Sorry the recipe's not exact. I have a thing against measuring cups. I like to pretend I'm Martha and can just throw ingredients around and magically concoct a dish.)

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups roasted hazelnuts (You can use raw hazelnuts if you feel the need to go through the hassle or roasting them yourself. I like to use my time wisely, so I went with roasted.)

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup confectioners sugar

1/4 cup cocoa

1 tsp vanilla extract

First, you should smoosh up all your hazelnuts in a food processor. Probably about 3 minutes. You want them to have an ultra fine consistency. Then add in all your other ingredients and continue to process, scraping down the sides occasionally until it is well mixed. You may need to add slightly more oil to get the right consistency for you. But really, once you do that, you're done! Ta-da! So easy. You can keep it in the fridge in an airtight container for up to a month before it will start to go off. (Go off, go bad, same difference. Blame the huz if you don't like that expression. His foreigner speak has rubbed off on me.)

It was super yummy on my bagel in the morning. And no, I do not need any commentary on how I'm not supposed to be eating bagels. Thanks.

Soooo, what else do I have to tell you about? Vacation?

The huz and I plus Chip-a-roo went to a lake house with friends for Memorial Day weekend. We had our own mini-couples retreat. (I mean mini-retreat, not mini-couples, although some of my friends are quite short.)

The first morning there, everyone had pancakes. Unfortunately, the mix had eggs and milk in it so I couldn't have any. So while the others were cooking, the huz and I took a trip to Walmart to pick up some stuff I could actually eat. (And as a side note, never go to a Walmart in the middle of nowhere America. I've never been so scared in my life. Much scarier than vegan-eating vampires.)

I just got some Bisquick batter which is easily used to make vegan happy pancakes. I made myself a batch when we got back. However, everyone was done eating by that point, so it was a bit sad.

The next morning I decided to solve the problem by making everyone my vegan happy pancakes. Here's how: Just follow the recipe on the back of the Bisquick box for pancakes, but where it calls for two eggs, use one banana and instead of regular milk, use soy milk. It's super delish! Especially if you use vanilla soy milk.

In many recipes that call for eggs, especially baking recipes, you can easily replace the egg with a smooshy banana. This is another great use for icky spotty bananas that my banana-racist self refuses to eat. Basically, one banana = two eggs. For those of you who suck at math, that means half a banana = one egg. 

So anyway, I made a huge batch of vegan happy pancakes and everyone loved them! I think I had them quite convinced that vegan food was not so bad, and maybe even quite scrumptious. 

And then they ate my vegan happy pancakes with a side of bacon.

Oh well. To each their own. At least they all realized that vegan food does not equal nasty food as many are inclined to think. I think that's still a point for vegan. I do have to thank my friends though. They were all super nice and concerned about what I could and couldn't eat. They even bought me special dark chocolate that was dairy-free for smores. (Although my smores still lacked marhmallows. Couldn't expect Walmart to carry vegan friendly marshmallows, now could we? Or maybe they were sold back by the shotguns and fishing licenses and I just missed them.)

Overall, vacation was wondefulicious. (Wonderful because I got to frolic in the sun with friends and delicious because we spent the long weekend stuffing our faces around the clock. What else do you do on vacation?). I  also got a tan so that the random Russian lady who sits next to me on the jury can stop asking me if I ever go in the sunshine. I may be Finnish, but I'm seriously not that pale. Hopefully this will shut her up for the rest of the trial.

I have still never blogged about my uber delicious pizza that I've made twice now! And the tofu mozzarella sticks! But, I'll get to it one day. I like to keep my readers in suspense.