Ask [Google] and you shall receive.

First, sorry for the lack of posts last week. I've been quite busy with jury duty. What with the 10 am start, the hourly breaks, two hours for lunch and the crazy long days till 5 pm, there's just been no time. Jury duty is quite taxing. It doesn't leave much room for anything else in my life.

But anyway, I have a lot to catch up on. I take all these pictures of yummy food I make or eat then never blog about any of it. People look through the photos on my phone and think I'm some food-obsessed lunatic (which really, I am).

Last weekend after brunch I was most upset that Nutella wasn't vegan and I asked if anyone knew of a vegan friendly recipe. Well, I did something better than asking my friends. I asked Google. 

And of course, I found a super scrumptious vegan Nutella, or Not-ella if you prefer, recipe. Here's how I made it. (Sorry the recipe's not exact. I have a thing against measuring cups. I like to pretend I'm Martha and can just throw ingredients around and magically concoct a dish.)

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups roasted hazelnuts (You can use raw hazelnuts if you feel the need to go through the hassle or roasting them yourself. I like to use my time wisely, so I went with roasted.)

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup confectioners sugar

1/4 cup cocoa

1 tsp vanilla extract

First, you should smoosh up all your hazelnuts in a food processor. Probably about 3 minutes. You want them to have an ultra fine consistency. Then add in all your other ingredients and continue to process, scraping down the sides occasionally until it is well mixed. You may need to add slightly more oil to get the right consistency for you. But really, once you do that, you're done! Ta-da! So easy. You can keep it in the fridge in an airtight container for up to a month before it will start to go off. (Go off, go bad, same difference. Blame the huz if you don't like that expression. His foreigner speak has rubbed off on me.)

It was super yummy on my bagel in the morning. And no, I do not need any commentary on how I'm not supposed to be eating bagels. Thanks.

Soooo, what else do I have to tell you about? Vacation?

The huz and I plus Chip-a-roo went to a lake house with friends for Memorial Day weekend. We had our own mini-couples retreat. (I mean mini-retreat, not mini-couples, although some of my friends are quite short.)

The first morning there, everyone had pancakes. Unfortunately, the mix had eggs and milk in it so I couldn't have any. So while the others were cooking, the huz and I took a trip to Walmart to pick up some stuff I could actually eat. (And as a side note, never go to a Walmart in the middle of nowhere America. I've never been so scared in my life. Much scarier than vegan-eating vampires.)

I just got some Bisquick batter which is easily used to make vegan happy pancakes. I made myself a batch when we got back. However, everyone was done eating by that point, so it was a bit sad.

The next morning I decided to solve the problem by making everyone my vegan happy pancakes. Here's how: Just follow the recipe on the back of the Bisquick box for pancakes, but where it calls for two eggs, use one banana and instead of regular milk, use soy milk. It's super delish! Especially if you use vanilla soy milk.

In many recipes that call for eggs, especially baking recipes, you can easily replace the egg with a smooshy banana. This is another great use for icky spotty bananas that my banana-racist self refuses to eat. Basically, one banana = two eggs. For those of you who suck at math, that means half a banana = one egg. 

So anyway, I made a huge batch of vegan happy pancakes and everyone loved them! I think I had them quite convinced that vegan food was not so bad, and maybe even quite scrumptious. 

And then they ate my vegan happy pancakes with a side of bacon.

Oh well. To each their own. At least they all realized that vegan food does not equal nasty food as many are inclined to think. I think that's still a point for vegan. I do have to thank my friends though. They were all super nice and concerned about what I could and couldn't eat. They even bought me special dark chocolate that was dairy-free for smores. (Although my smores still lacked marhmallows. Couldn't expect Walmart to carry vegan friendly marshmallows, now could we? Or maybe they were sold back by the shotguns and fishing licenses and I just missed them.)

Overall, vacation was wondefulicious. (Wonderful because I got to frolic in the sun with friends and delicious because we spent the long weekend stuffing our faces around the clock. What else do you do on vacation?). I  also got a tan so that the random Russian lady who sits next to me on the jury can stop asking me if I ever go in the sunshine. I may be Finnish, but I'm seriously not that pale. Hopefully this will shut her up for the rest of the trial.

I have still never blogged about my uber delicious pizza that I've made twice now! And the tofu mozzarella sticks! But, I'll get to it one day. I like to keep my readers in suspense. 

I think I'm being subconsciously tortured.

So I had a nightmare about eating meat last night. No, seriously.

I can't remember anything else, but I was at my parents' house in their old kitchen before it was remodeled and I was standing there with someone (I think it was my Nannie??) and I was munching down on a yummy slab of roast beef (which is super awkward because I've always hated it and would never eat it even when devouring innocent animals was totally my thing). So I was eating around the outside of my slice of roast beef where it was well done; then I got to the middle where it was pink and bloody. We'll call it medium-rare. That is when I flipped out in my dream because I realized I was eating meat and had a total spaz and my Nannie let out a very horrible, evil laugh. Then I woke up. The end.

I may actually be traumatized from this horrific experience.

I'm going to blame that episode on being super cold because we turned the air conditioner on for the first time last night and it blasts right on my head. It is a proven fact that if you're cold, you're more likely to have nightmares. You can quote me on that.

Beside my nightmare, I almost starved to death this weekend. Some friends came to town and we went out to a super cute restaurant, Good, in the West Village. However, I don't think there could have been a less vegan-friendly place in all of the city. One of my friends came to my rescue and told the waiter I was a vegan (which I am realizing is an important thing to do when eating out... there seems to be animal byproducts in everything). So then at least the waiter was on board helping me find something that worked for my diet.

At first I thought I'd get the carrot puree soup. But no, it was made with chicken stock. Then I thought I'd get the hummus. But no, they mixed in parmesan. After that, all that was left was olives (I ate two bowls almost and got effing oil on my pretty red dress which is totally their fault since they didn't have non-oily vegan-friendly fare. Good, we aren't all good. That's all I'm saying.) and the side dishes. So finally I ended up with a dinner of grilled asparagus, sautéed zucchini and steamed green beans with pesto. However, this was only another disappointment as the pesto also had parmesan in it... boo. Sooo my lovely expensive dinner consisted of: olives, zucchini and asparagus. It was yummy, but horribly balanced. There was no vegan-friendly protein... I have a feeling this will be an issue many times over when moving forward. Moral of the story: tell waiters you're a vegan so they can help and carry trail mix or a vegan-friendly snack so you don't wither and die when there's nothing you can eat.

The next morning, we all went out to brunch at a diner. It was then I realized brunch is the least vegan-friendly meal EVER. Pancakes? nope. Waffles? nope. French toast? nope. Omelets? nope. Eggs? nope. Bacon? nope. Sausage? nope nope nope. All that was left for me was toast sans butter. Or possibly hash browns depending on how they're cooked. And although I did just register for the marathon, I seriously don't think I need to go and carboload on bread and potatoes. Sooo, I ended up getting a veggieburger for brunch. It did not look appetizing at all. Picture a teeny, tiny bun (most likely made to suit little elfin hands or else the non-existent appetites of the women on the Upper East Side) and a huge fluorescent green patty. However, I was a good sport, so I dumped a ton of ketchup on it and went for it. Interestingly enough, it was really quite delicious. The fluorescent green actually came from super scrumptious lima beans. Who would have thought? I used to hate those things so it was a very exciting discovery. Very exciting indeed.

So yes, I almost starved to death this weekend. But as you can see, I somehow managed to survive. You're lucky I have such a fight in me.

When I went to eat my breakfast this morning, I noticed a horrendous oversight in my grocery store's labeling abilities.

They're lucky I have the smarts and can read labels and know that my organic Weetabix is actually all yummy grains and totally animal-nasty free. However, if I was a slightly less smart vegan, they may have lost $5.89. That would obviously have gravely affected their profit margin for the day. Who else in my area is going to spend $6 on a box of straight-up wheat? My point exactly.

On that note, I'm off to bed. Pray for no more meat-consuming nightmares. They scare me.